Only Away Memories
by Rei-chan
Summary: Shinji's forgot memories...(Love Rei-Shinji Story!)


I wrote this fanfiction a Sunday evening^^;;(20/10/00)   
After I had read a very beautiful fanfiction called "A child named Rei"   
I liked this fanfiction very much, and it gave me an idea for   
write a new eva oneshot fanfiction based on a little adventure of Shinchan in his infancy.   
It's a bit sad this fanfiction, and don't have a very decent final, but I hope that you all like it ^.^   
Another note that I must give to you first that you begin to read it, is that this fanfiction is a Rei-Shinji fict^^;   
And if you are an Asuka-Lover maybe you don't like it^^;;   
WARNING:I've chance a bit the Eva past story in this fiction.One of pricipal change that I did, is that Rei I was create BEFORE Yui's death, and not after, as in the original Eva story.   
The second point is that Dr Naoko Akagi doesn't killed Rei I the first ime that she saw it, and she knew that Rei is a clone and not a step-child as Gendo said.   
That's all^^;I think^^;   
Thank a million to my friend Faby-chan for this translation, and also thanks to my pre-reader Henry for the correction of it!^^   
please, check my website (in italian and in english)   
http://members.tripod.it/aoitears   
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Only Away Memories   
  


Shinji Ikari's Memories 

"And then, the prince, having faced hundreds of dangers, saw   
the wonderful Fairies' Princess of the castle, during the   
great court ball....and he promised to her,he'd marry her,   
..someday....I'll do that way too..someday..I'll marry a Fairy.." 

Shinji Ikari 

February 14th 2004 

"Do you see,Shinji?..this is the place where mummy and daddy work!", my mother said.Yui Ikari, this was her name,showed me the big Nerv's Geo Front, while grabbing me in her arms,so that we would get on an escalator.At the time, I was only three .. 

I grabbed my mother's chest, while we were going down,slowly. I was almost scared...I had never seen such a crowded place.. it all looked so new, to my eyes. 

I looked at those many people walking back and forth, and remained frightened and astonished.I was reassured only when I felt my mother's touch over my back.I stared at her. She was smiling sweetly,and I returned her smile. 

"One day, all this'll be yours!",she whispered again,while she was looking at the main point of the Geofront, satisfactely. 

Only by now I can understand the true meaning of these words...they were almost hidden in my memory..at the time, I didn't even take care of them..and kept on looking fashinated by so many people going forth and back, getting closer and closer,as we were going downstairs. 

They looked like a lot of bees concentrated on an hive.We arrived at the bottom of the escalator,and my mother descended it, doing a step forward.She placed me on the ground,I was standing on my feet,my little thin and short legs,typical of my age.Then she took me by the hand,amid the curious glares of the other Nerv's members who were there. 

"Did you see him?!That's little Shinji Ikari!Commander's son!" 

"Aaaaah!Lovely!He's so adorable!!" 

Such remarks didn't lack,while I passed,from the people who were passing there by chance.Who knows why.....am I so popular? I don't know those persons...I looked at my mother fazed, as if I were asking her for an explanation.My mother understood the message perfectly,through my puzzled face. 

"By now, everybody's talking about you, my son..you're very popular in this place.."My mother whispered,keeping on smiling. 

Amid all those people on move,there was only one person staying still in the distance.A shape of a very tall man.His hair was gray, he gazed at us,while my mother and I approached slowly.I stared at him, confused...who knows who he was..who knows why he stared at us... 

When we were close enough,my mother stopped in front of him.I stopped too, naturally,by my mother's side.I looked at him from upside down, from top to toe:he was much taller than he looked from distance.He was wearing an elegant black jacket,over a white shirt,black trousers and tie.He was looking at us with a serious and decisive glare.Yet,neither he, nor my mother did say a word.And I was more and more embarassed. 

Only some minutes after, my mother broke the silence,first. "I know what you're thinking of, Professor Fuyutsuki...but today the baby-sitter hasn't come home and I wouldn't leave him at the neighbours'house...he's so little.."my mother whispered, in a sorry tone.I don't know why,but, although I was too young to understand those words at all,something told me they were talking about me. 

That big man's glare didn't change of one point than before. "Yui...you know for sure,this is not a suitable place for children!",he answered in an authoritarian voice. 

"I know..You're completely right , Professor..But I promise to you he won't annoy anyone!I'll keep him by me!", my mother said, to defend me ,justifying my presence. Fuyutsuki, after thinking for some moment, sighed:"How could I deny anything to you, Yui..Well...he can stay at the Base today.. provided that he doesn't bother anyone,Yui..ok?" 

Yui Ikari smiled."That's ok!He'll behave well for sure! Thank you very much, Professor Fuyutsuki!", she exclaimed full of joy. 

"No..you don't have to thank me...but I hope I have made myself clear.. I won't let it happen anymore...Is it ok?" 

My mother nodded "Yes!" When I looked at my mother smiling, I understood they were talking about something beautiful. 

"Hellooo!...", I exclaimed naively,to Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki Kozo, while I was greeting him with my little hand, in a childish gesture. 

Finally that man lowered his look on me,and smiled at me with a smile wich looked satisfied.One of those untrue smiles which adults use to do when they're looking at a child. "You have grown up, haven't you?"the big man said,speaking to me. 

My mother smiled and turned her eyes towards me,while caressing my hair with the other hand. "Yeah..Shinchan has become a little man, by now" 

This is where I had already heard that sentence... 

"Yeah..they keep on growing up..and we keep on growing older!..See you then, Yui!" My mother bowed."Good-bye, Professor Fuyutsuki!" 

After that, we departed slowly. 

Some minuts after, my mother and I were into a big room full of people,whose eyes were fixed over some displays,which they called computers.My mother seated too ,in front of a computer,while typing some little keys with her fingers,lightly. 

I was about to get bored...I was sitting down on the floor,having my legs parted.Around me there were some toys which my mother had put there to keep me busy,while she was working.But i was bored all the same,all that noisefrom so many PC's keys pressed by all the persons present in that hall, was growing more and more intens into my ears, so that it was bothering me.I looked around me again.Wherever I turned my eyes,I saw nothing but people and comptuers..except for something which struck me specially.A door. The entry door. It hadn't been closed.It was half-closed.I felt an indescribable attraction towards it. Suddenly,I was catched by a strong wish of escaping...I wished I could go away from that room. I don't know why, I only wanted to get away... 

I came back and looked at my mother, she was still with her eyes fixed on the PC.So, sizing the day, I stood up over my feet slowly, and drew near the half-closed door. Before I went out,I gave a glance at the big hall again;nobody seemed to be aware of my absence.Before I got out, I smiled a cheeky smile. 

And then I exited from the room,passing through the opening. Yet it wasn't necessary I would open the door more than it was opened. That opening looked like it was made right at my own size. 

When I was outside,I kept on walking along the big corridor, which seemed neverending to my eyes.I was running happily. I didn't know where I had to go, but I was running.And I was happy.I was feeling at my ease. There was nobody in that zone, maybe it was the only place in that very big Base, where nobody was around.It looked almost incredible. 

I had to slow down, but the corridor ended right there,or rather, it led me in front of a flight.They were the first stairs I saw,since mummy had brought me to this Base, with her.I had seen so many escalators,tapis-roulants,super-thecnological lifts,who knows why in this place there were some very simple stairs,and not even one escalator, or something similar.I was surprised of this,but I didn't waste too much time, thinking of it.At the time, I didn't make a fuss of every slightest trifle.So I stated to descend the stairs,little by little.Grabbing the stairs' handrail,I went down the steps,one by one,slowly and carefully.After I went down the last step,I drew near a wide open door, which was right at the end of the flight.   
After I overpassed the threshold of this other door,I ended up again in front of another desolate corridor. It was the same as the one upstairs,at first sight. 

I didn't linger thinking seriously of the risks I could have run into,if I had gone through that corridor.I went through it,and that's it, running this time too.By the way,it didn't take me that much to understand that ,in spite of the appearance, that corridor was completely different from the one in the upper floor. I stopped on my steps,all at once. I didn't even know why, it was as if a sudden painful feeling assailed me, all at once,without me even realizing it. I stopped for a moment, trying to figure it out , and I looked all around me.I looked back, staring at the corridor I had already gone through....I was still scanning from distance the wide-opened entry-door.I remained there and gazed at it for a few seconds,with a frightened glare.Then I turned, slowly,and looked ahead. 

I had not walked such a long way....though the entry-door was already distant,I didn't succeed in finding the end of the corridor, in front of me.It seemed infinitely long and narrow to my eyes...I looked at its walls. They were all made by grey steel.A very sad and melancholic colour. Without having even touched it with my hands,I realized by far it had to be a very very cold metal,which matched perfectly the atmosfear reigning over that place...it looked like as if it were forgotten by the other persons...Why am I here?...I kept on wondering about it..but I didn't succeed in finding the answer; or rather, I already knew the answer..but it wasn't necessary I repeated it to myself: I was there 'cause I had followed a corridor. Nothing more. 

Finally, I decided to go forward,slowly....sure, I couldn't stop there for ever..I might as well keep on going forward.. I longed for my mother to be there right in that moment, together with me. 

I wish she popped out, all at once, from nowhere..I wish someone came and stayed with me.. where was I going to? I was scared, but why didn't I escape then?..the door was still opened, in the distance.. Nobody was restraining my escape, on the contrary,I was free to do as I liked.. At that time, I was too young, to understand how bad loneliness and silence could be,and how they could prevent even a child as little as I was, from running away.. 

I was stepping forward..but where was I going?..by then , I was sure of one thing: I had got lost..I knew the way to get back to where I was..but I had got lost.. What clashing sensations inside of me..and yet,both were vigilant in my mind..I was about to burst into tears..why hadn't I remained with mummy?..I was getting bored,but, after all, I was with her, I was with many other persons.. Before, the noise of keys was deafening me, now it was the terrible voice of silence the one deafening me. But, all at once, like in a fairy tale, someone came to a lost child's rescue..or better..something came in help of me: a sound..finally..a little and slight sound..almost non-existent, almost imperciptible to human ear: but it, in spite of faintness, succeeded in piercing into the shield of silence..and arrived at me.. 

I wasn't able to classify what kind of sound it was..it wasn't beautiful, but all the same it was a sound.. a noise..and it was better than the terrible sound of silence.. 

I started to run quickly again as before, trying to draw near that sound as much as possible.. as I advanced, going deeper and deeper into the corridor, that sound became closer and closer to me,more and more perceptible..and this infused courage and faith into me... I wasn't alone probably!I had to find the source of that sound!I had to find who gave it out!..who knows if I was able to reason in those terms, at that age..probably no..I was only a three-year child ..I could barely speak. All at once, I stopped again. I turned sideways, and noticed a door, camouflaging itself with the wall made by the same materials. A door completely made by metal, which was embedded in the wall perfectly, as if it were a puzzle. I stopped in front of it and stared at it. The handle was very high. I tried to reach it, standing on my tip-toe,to no avail. I didn't sort out anything. I was too small to arrive at it. But.. but I had..I had to go inside there!I didn't know why, I didn't know what was waiting for me beyond that hard door, but something was inciting me to go inside there! Perhaps my childish curiosity , perhaps my wish of adventure, perhaps...who knows..a sign of my destiny..But something was telling me to go inside, absolutely! I had to do it! 

I tried again to arrive at the door's handle, jumping as high as I could. But I missed the handle, just for some centimetre. I didn't lose heart; I'm not usually so obstinate. Whenever I fail in something, I'm not used to try to make it at any rate. But it was different this time. 

So I went away from the door, doing a few steps backwards. I pointed the door, and after having taken a run-up, I hurled myself, jumping towards the handle of that door. And I grasped it. I stayed with my hand clinged to the handle. My feet didn't touch the ground. They were hanging in air. Right a few centimetres from the floor. 

I concentrated the pound of my body on the handle .That put pressure on this ,and the gear of the lock went off, all at once, opening the door.I released my hold on the handle,. and fell down on the floor.When I got up, I had the door in front of me: wide-opened,finally!I remained astonished and gazed a little inside, staying at the threshold of the door. I looked all around me. There was an hospital screen, much furniture, most of all trolleys, all messed up. The floor was dirty, full of sheets and various filth. The walls ,even these were different from the corridor which I was going through some istants ago. But something changed. Silence...It wasn't there anymore. Or better, there was silence, but it was often broken. I had found the room where there was the rising of the sound which I heard. The one I was listening to wasn't a sound ; it was a crying...a slight weeping, chocked and covered by sobs..Who was crying? I went into the room, slowly and stealthily. In front of me, there was the white screen, and my intention was looking beyond the screen,in order to find out whose that crying was . 

But...I was almost scared..I was frightened..who was weeping? .What if he were a monster?..Or someone's ghost? ..a creature popped out from a fairy book, in order to cheat me...By the way, I went forward slowly, but always remaining behind the screen, and peeped furtively, on a side of it with my little head.What I saw first was a strange inscription on the wall. That time, I couldn't read yet,but it didn't pass unobserved by me..soon, when I learnt to read and write, the first word which came back to my mind was that one..and I remembered it perfectly, as if it were engraved in my memory,or better, pictured: STRANGENESS. This was the english inscription. Stamped over the wall, in a black paint, in very large letters.The second thing I could see, was a stretcher still right there . Who knows what usage was a stretcher for inside that room....? Maybe it was the infirmary? Or the hospital?..and yet..it didn't seeme to be an hospital..But the third thing I saw was her..the one who was crying, sat down on the stretcher.. a child ..who looked like an ethereal creature, at my first sight.. 

A little girl, dressed in white, very likely of my same naive age..covered only by a very slight white shirt,as white as her skin was..which didn't look like having ever seen the light of the sun..as her eyes, wetted by tears and covered by her candid tiny hands, often rubbed against the eyelids,wiping away her teardrops. She was barefoot, her feet hanging up from the stretcher, in the void, divided from the floor by a considerable height.But what struck me more than all was her hair..it was blue..right like the colour of fairy's hair..why..why was there a little fairy like her, in such a dim and cold place? 

This was the first question which came to my mind..the little fairy was really out of place in such an habitat . I was dazzled by her figure..she looked like a gash of light in the darkness..but a gash of a sad light.. 

I headed slowly towards her, while over my face it was still possible to read the surprise.. 

She, who finally realized that I was in the hall too, moved her little hands away from her eyes, and looked at me,while the tears were sliding along her pale little face. When she saw me,she cried out for surprise too, but right after started weeping again..almost scared of me.. 

I didn't draw aside, and advanced equally......who knows why she was scared of me..I..I didn't want to harm her...When I covered the distance between us . 

I drew nearer to her. I didn't arrive at the stretcher,it was very high..perhaps,someone had lifted it up on purpose, in order not to let her come down from there..the last thing that I could do, was to lean my little hand over her uncovered leg, rising on the tips of my toes .She shivered at my touch, but straight away, she relaxed ,looked at my face, and, for moment, stopped sobbing..she seemed almost calmed..   


"He..hello", I whispered in a trembling voice, while I couldn't take my eyes off her face. 

Her eyes were of a colour never seen before, they were red..she had blu hair and red eyes.. she had really to be a special person..the first thing which came up to my mind was:"I'm next to the fairy of a tale.." 

The little girl didn't answer, looking still astonished, while I couldn't take off either my glare from her face, or my hand from her leg..in that moment my only wish was hugging her, as it had never happened to me with anyone else before..but I couldn't reach it..So I was satisfied all the same only skimming over those legs of hers, even if with a big effort. 

But I didn't take care of it, I could have remained that way for an eternity..I was happy with it..   


She was keeping on staring at me, become curious, then she drew up her tiny hand , still wetted by tears, over mine and leant on it. I smiled and gazed at her again. She was so beautiful, that she didn't look real. I was so touched...she smiled too..how sweet she was..I knew a lot of children, but noone had such a sweet smile as the one she had.. that little delicate flower,blossomed among the most thorny brambles.. 

She closed her eyes, and, whith her eyelids' movement, the last tear remained suspended into her eyes, waiting only to be shed, still slid again....oh my, I was seeing the tears of a fairy..I was very lucky.. 

I took her by the hand, she was no more scared, she was smiling, maybe that was the only time she had seen a smile on her face, in her childhood. All at once, in such a cold room, a warm and peaceful atmosphere had been created..the silence had come back,sure, but my heart was singing , and perhaps hers was too... 

"Who's in here?!?", an adult voice of a woman interrupted that atmosphere which had been created.So,we had to break , immediately, the hold of our hands, we let ourselves go...we both groaned for fear, scared by the sudden exclamation. 

With a quick gesture, the woman shifted the screen all of a sudden , in front of the door.Her expression was a mixture between rage and worry. The fear, and , maybe, also the view of the woman, provoked again the crying of the fairy which, a short time ago, I had interrupted. 

The lady, a tall woman, with very short brown hair, wore a white coat, with a yellow sweater and a black miniskirt under it; as soon as she saw what was happening , calmed down all at once and breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Aaahh..luckily it was only another brat.."murmured to herself,while leaning her hand on her own forehead, and drew nearer to me, at a brisk pace. I looked at her whit a threatening glare. She had made an ethereal creature like that cry...The woman grabbed hold of my arm, rudely, taking me to her.."What are you doing here?", she yelled in an angry tone. 

"Don't think you may wander around the Nerv as you like, only because you're Commander Ikari's and that goose of Yui's son!!", she went on. 

I didn't let myself be scared by her words, my glare didn't change at all..I knew it well: I was too little to be able to compete against an adult like she was, but strangely, her words didn't frighten me..on the contrary of that little girl; the more that woman yelled, the strongest her weeping became . 

The woman looked at the child in tears with a menacing glare: " I bet it's your fault again, this time too!I will settle scores with you later, Rei!" She exclaimed, and then dragged me with her, grabbing my arm in a strong hold, which looked like a grip. Rei...that was her name..how strange, now that I was hearing it, I felt as   
if I had always known it. I went far away from the fairy, who I had only just found ; I looked at her, while that woman was carrying me away, far from her. I saw her becoming distant,while gesturing to me whith the hand in order to tell me not to go ..Oh My God, I won't ever forget her face in that moment..   


* 

"Shinchan!!" My mother embraced me when the same woman who had moved me away from the fairy, named Rei, took me back   
to the office where my mother worked. 

"But where did you hide yourself,cheeky!!", my mother exclaimed joyfully, holding me in her harms, and hugging me."If only you knew what a fright you have given   
me!", she added. "What a scallywag this little boy is!I found him toying on the ground at the entry of the Base,all alone!", the same woman as before   
exclaimed, while her expression was totally different from the one sha had assumed when she was downstairs,   
in the fairy's chamber...she had lied..it wasn't the truth..she hadn't found me in the entry of this Base.I wasn't toying. And I wasn't alone. 

"Oh, Naoko! I don't know how to thank you!", my mother said, smiling at the woman called Naoko. 

Naoko smiled too."Not at all. For a friend all this and more, Yui!", Naoko answered, in her turn. Even this time it wasn't the truth. I was a child, but I understood   
whether a person spoke in good terms about another or not..and the sentences she had told about my mother downstairs weren't friendly at all...like the sentences she had told the crying fairy. My mother smiled and put me on the ground. 

"Now we have to go and have breakfast, Shinchan...are you hungry?!", my mother asked, turning to me. 

I nodded and looked at her too. But I didn't smile. 

"What's wrong with you, Treasure?Are you sad?", my mother whispered, worried, realizing that I hadn't reacted to her proposal entusiasthically.   
I didn't answer, beacause instead of me answered she..Naoko.. 

"Sure, he's still scared, because he couldn't find her mother anymore, isn't it, little sweetie?" She smiled at me , while looking at me. The truth wasn't even there.   
The reason why I was sad was that I couldn't get that deep blue-haired child off my mind's eyes.. 

My mother smiled and took me by her hand. We departed, going on a direction opposite to that bad woman's , luckily. 

We went up the stairs "Mum", I whispered.I had taken a decision, all at once. 

"What, Treasure?",my mother asked, turning to me, lovely. 

"Do you know, that fairy with blue hair?", I murmured, making little effort to pronounce certain words, because of my tender age. My mother smiled, thinking it was for sure a fairy of anime or tales. 

I kept on, without even waiting for my mother's answer "Someday...I'll marry her.." 

14th February 2024 

Who knows why right this lost memory has come back to me only now..maybe the reason is that my promise..tomorrow will become solemn?" 

THE END   



End file.
